All over again

Hi,
Its been awhile isnt it. I sometimes thought of writing but right now, at 3 am, i really have the urge to pour out what ive been feeling in word forms, here. Of course words wont really tell bcs im no good at it but yea whatever.

I cant tell when this started but, lately something's wrong with me. I had trust issues with people around me. When they spoke, i had doubts. Not sure whats wrong but i couldnt seem to believe in whatever certain people said. During the long holiday, i had some people making me feel unsure of my worth. And it stayed inside me ever since.

Now, when i wake up in the morning, i dont feel as good and energetic anymore. I wonder how true it is when they say they love me or when they say they need me. Ive  heard so many words spoken, but too little actions made. I cant totally blame others, yes i know because i admit that i didnt always make the first steps. Instead of waiting, why didnt i just be the first to make conversations, or ask them to go out. However, simple things become hard when youre in that state where you want to know how wanted you really are.

Its been days i cried at night, and having to fake around during the days looking like nothing bothers my mind is quite a hard task to do isnt it? Guess that answers some people's curiosity about why i look so tired.

It reminds me oh how long ago, a person made me feel so miserable that i once thought that it was a nightmare what i went through. I still remember how it felt like, because now i feel like its coming back again. Just not as bad just yet. Why is it when you had feelings for someone, it easily fades away? How did you do it? Why do you stop showing them? Is it because you dont feel the need to show efforts anymore when theyre finally yours? When you would spend hours just to speak to them, when your days just arent complete without them, when you remembered the little things, when you noticed the smallest actions, have they all changed?