Saturday, September 23, 2017

All over again

Its been awhile isnt it. I sometimes thought of writing but right now, at 3 am, i really have the urge to pour out what ive been feeling in word forms, here. Of course words wont really tell bcs im no good at it but yea whatever.

I cant tell when this started but, lately something's wrong with me. I had trust issues with people around me. When they spoke, i had doubts. Not sure whats wrong but i couldnt seem to believe in whatever certain people said. During the long holiday, i had some people making me feel unsure of my worth. And it stayed inside me ever since.

Now, when i wake up in the morning, i dont feel as good and energetic anymore. I wonder how true it is when they say they love me or when they say they need me. Ive  heard so many words spoken, but too little actions made. I cant totally blame others, yes i know because i admit that i didnt always make the first steps. Instead of waiting, why didnt i just be the first to make conversations, or ask them to go out. However, simple things become hard when youre in that state where you want to know how wanted you really are.

Its been days i cried at night, and having to fake around during the days looking like nothing bothers my mind is quite a hard task to do isnt it? Guess that answers some people's curiosity about why i look so tired.

It reminds me oh how long ago, a person made me feel so miserable that i once thought that it was a nightmare what i went through. I still remember how it felt like, because now i feel like its coming back again. Just not as bad just yet. Why is it when you had feelings for someone, it easily fades away? How did you do it? Why do you stop showing them? Is it because you dont feel the need to show efforts anymore when theyre finally yours? When you would spend hours just to speak to them, when your days just arent complete without them, when you remembered the little things, when you noticed the smallest actions, have they all changed?

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Lessons i learnt today

Assalamualaikum and good evening,
I spent my day today sleeping and just browsing thru whatever ive got in my phone. Yup thats all that i did. But, just now i went to a dinner event held by team abadi (which is the team that handles the annual dinner for college) (in which im included) and for a brief moment, i kinda felt uncomfortable like im out of place.

When we were eating, i sat in the middle of people who got along with each other quite well and i couldnt interrupt their conversations because its hard to do so. Well, for me, it is. I cant just have that
full-of-laughter concersations with someone i rarely know. And yes, i was a bit sad about that. And of course they asked me why was i so quiet. I didnt remember what i replied but i smiled shyly. I am just a bit upset that i find it hard to adjust with my surroundings most of the time. I came across a picture on twitter.

I used to convince myself that it is really okay to just do what you feel like doing. But i admit that i couldnt stop feeling bad about myself afterwards if i did something badly. Like socializing badly, speaking to people badly, present yourself to other people badly, those kinda things. Maybe its okay to just be yourself wherever you are, whatever situation youre in, but try to be the best version of you.

I dont wanna be too hard with myself because these are all processes in learning, in growing and becoming a better person.

And, i have received my results for semester 1 and i can say that it didnt reach what i expected. Yes i am thankful for what ive got but maybe im just a bit upset with the efforts i put into my studies. I need to work harder, like a lot harder. I hope this could be the scars which reminds me for every time i forget.

Thursday, January 19, 2017

What my 1st sem break is like

Hi Assalamualaikum

I hope all of you are doing just fine. It's still very early now and i seldomly wake up this early and not going to sleep back. Maybe because i feel bored waking up at 12 everyday so why not?? huhuhu

I dont have much things to write here but i kinda miss writing. Uhm so today is already the 20th of January. Oh oh i am on my semester break now and it'll only be for like 3 weeks je and  1 week has passed haha. Currently enjoying my holidays eventho i can say that i havent really done anything interesting?? But so far my days have been good i and i was just doing regular routines like going to rumah nenek to eat lunch, send irham to tuition, got back home at night and just watching movies huhu stuff like that.

I also have no plans at all on what to do. Like some people might have listed down their plans during cuti but i dont know hahah. But the other day i tried making bread pudding for the first time and i would say that it was a...uhmm just satisfying but not satisfying enough? ok i was actually not satisfied with the end product hahah tapi it was my first time so okay la tapi the steps and ingredients are very simple?! I might want to make some again one fine day hahaha oh but next time i am thinking of making some mango cheesecake hihihi.

Okay i got to go now, see you soooooon

Sunday, October 16, 2016

what a day

Today i woke up very early, at least earlier than usual because theres something to be done. Mirul called at around 730 and i didnt fall back asleep not bcs i wasnt sleepy, but i thought that something was quite a penting task. At 830 seha and i were already waiting for jomtumpang to come fetch us. It'd be much easier if we drove ourselves, save duit pun ya, save masa pun ya. Tapi apa nak buat huhu.

We went to pasar tani and its not even a 10 minutes drive to get there tapi tambang dia rm9. i knew about the price already even before requesting a ride but to think twice about that, thats really pricey. But maybe pricier to get a taxi and again, apa nak buat huhu

Then we straightly bought the things that we wanted to buy pastu dah habis semua beli some foods to isi perut. Bila nak balik pun rm 9 lagi hmmm. Lepastu okay lah macam lesson learnt la lepasni takyah la naik lagi kalau setakat nak pergi dekat dekat. Then dah mcm relax kitorang pun potong la buah tau nak letak jual dekat area perpustakaan. Aku pergi ptsl and seha balik bilik lepastu

And then.....
I came back excited only to know that the money was stolen. Surprised gila and i didnt know if i wanted to cry sebab cam i never expect people to be that rude.. Ingatkan dekat uni ni adalah ilmu sikit nak beza baik buruk. Sukati kau lah asal kau bahagia dapat berapa ringgit tu hhahahahahha okbye

Friday, September 30, 2016

Its time ;)))))

Its already the end of september, cepatnya masa kan. Im currently in my room and bored lulululz so i decided to just stop here for a while. Not much has been happening lately. Just me and my daily routine, but now it differs from asasi because i actually have a lot of free time. On week days i would wake up around 8 or 9 or 10 and thats considered awal. I mean, depending on my classes schedule la juga.

But sometimes i find it a bit hard to adjust myself with this new environment, routine and things like that. Still the same pemalas izza, maybe i need to look for motivations as soon as possible. I really dont wanna repeat the same mistakes during asasi. Hahahhahah its time to fikir seriously and not just simply go with the flow.

Okay thats all hahahah bye

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Current obsession

Hi semua good afternoon :)

Heeee i currently have an obsession with scented candles hahah call me weirdddd. Im not. I dont know why but i started to collect candles last month. I usually light up my candle when im relaxing in my room. Or sometimes when i go watch tv and come back to the pleasant smell of my room aaa that gives me chill.

This one smells like peach hihi and im using it right now

I tagged along with my parents yesterday to ikea. And i was already planning on buying candles there. And look what i bought heee okay sorry my baba paid for it not me huhuhuu

Orange, apple and vanilla flavoured candles. These dont cost much. The price for one is rm5.90 which i think is worth it. I have seen candles with the similar size harga dia rm78 mahal gila  

This is the one i like most. My all time favorite scent goes tooooo vanilla! I love the creamy and sweet scent sooo muchieee hehehe 

Friday, July 15, 2016

Trip to Bangkok

My family and I went for a vacation in Bangkok recently, on the 3rd until the 6th day of rayaa hehe. We came back finally after like 9 years i guess? I was kinda proud of my memory because there were some places that i could still recall. Like the jj mall and this one kedai makan yang sedaaaap sangat tomyam dia i felt like crying hahah k over. 

Ni jj mall tu. Jj comes from the Jatujak which is nama tempat ni. Dekat sebelah mall ni ada area besar untuk banyak stall jual all sorts of stuff. Souvenir semua can be bought here. I bought mirul uhmmmmmm a bracelet yang taktau dia pakai ke tak tapi wajibbbbb simpan leklok na. And for my friends, i bought something like a pouch (with such cute patterns hihih) can put little things inside like barang skincare when u go travelling. 

This was on the second day, madam tussauds. I was so excited to see my boys thereee. I tried to sit next to zayn but tangan dia tu kacau hish. I couldnt help myself from imagining what this place would be like at night. Bila lampu semua dah switched off lol seram 

Ni dekat Mekong River. Pun ada banyak small shops jual barang barang. Pemandangan cantik, pastu bulan terang pulak kan lagilah cantik sangat.

Meet my travel buddy since 2008 i guess? Najwa :)
One thing i like most about being in bangkok is, the food of course. So flavorful i gained some weights heree (all bcs of the tomyam and thai iced tea huhu)