I spent my day today sleeping and just browsing thru whatever ive got in my phone. Yup thats all that i did. But, just now i went to a dinner event held by team abadi (which is the team that handles the annual dinner for college) (in which im included) and for a brief moment, i kinda felt uncomfortable like im out of place.
When we were eating, i sat in the middle of people who got along with each other quite well and i couldnt interrupt their conversations because its hard to do so. Well, for me, it is. I cant just have that
full-of-laughter concersations with someone i rarely know. And yes, i was a bit sad about that. And of course they asked me why was i so quiet. I didnt remember what i replied but i smiled shyly. I am just a bit upset that i find it hard to adjust with my surroundings most of the time. I came across a picture on twitter.
I used to convince myself that it is really okay to just do what you feel like doing. But i admit that i couldnt stop feeling bad about myself afterwards if i did something badly. Like socializing badly, speaking to people badly, present yourself to other people badly, those kinda things. Maybe its okay to just be yourself wherever you are, whatever situation youre in, but try to be the best version of you.
I dont wanna be too hard with myself because these are all processes in learning, in growing and becoming a better person.
And, i have received my results for semester 1 and i can say that it didnt reach what i expected. Yes i am thankful for what ive got but maybe im just a bit upset with the efforts i put into my studies. I need to work harder, like a lot harder. I hope this could be the scars which reminds me for every time i forget.
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